Crash the Insatiable
by Icehang
Summary: Lets say the Cortex Vortex did what it was meant to do for crash, as in the experiment never went wrong, and crash is everything the good Dr. Cortex set out to make. He became the general cortex wanted and is now helping Cortex. Now lets say that crash invokes a curtain witch-doctors wrath and curses him to a life as his true self of complete evolved apex predator.


"The path to world domination is paved with cold hard genius controlling raw power. Your job is to to be that power for my genius to flourish in, understand?" I didn't, not because i was stupid, but because i wasn't was too amazed at my new found seintiance. My first thoughts as what i'm going to call in evolved life came as such "this yellow thing is really loud and annoying."

*BRRRRING* the ringing of Crashes personal wrist projection phone shook him from his nap and interludes a new thought, " What is it this time Cortex…" Crash answered the call not really wanting to but did anyway.

"Crash! I said i wanted that village of savages razed yesterday! What have you been doing?!" Cortexes nagging irritated crash visibly. "You have one job and that's to do what i say! Now burn those mudhuts down this instant!" Cortex hung up in a huff.

I suppose I should get going then, villagers won't kill themselves… most the time. Crash thought to himself about a self sacrifice ritual he observed during one of his first raids on Wumpa island.

Some dimwitted inbred thought it was a good idea to try and blow himself up on an "honor death " throne made from tnt. Something about trying to appease their boonie gods to have them stop the "keelut"... which i was guessing was me.

His head shot out spectacularly into the air from the rest of his now vaporised body, nothing but a scorch mark and some feathers left. When his head did come down it gave a large thud but nothing else happened.

"Boy, boss that was sure something?" Pinstripe, My fourth in command, startled me as he came from behind me in the rather large mud lodge. They must have just got done killing what few guards they had left in the village I glared at him and his legs looked like they were about to give out. "Y-you know how that guy blew up! N-not nothing else, the ra-aid went great like you said it would cause your always smart like that boss!"

I stopped staring at pinstripe and I thought I heard a sigh of relief escape his mouth. Then I looked to the explosively severed head. It was an older villager, the bloody stump was fai he had a grey goatee some odd facepaints and some crazy bright yellow eyes. I wondered how he made his eyes glow like that. Could it be some crazy magic contacts or jaundice? I didn't really care that much about the dead man's eyes, but what I did was my now growling stomach.

An idea that was shocking to me came across my mind. It was almost instant how fast it came to me and how quiet it jumped into my head" Eat it..., go ahead, you're hungry, eat the head. do it now" my face was blank but my brain was thinking about why not eating this natives head. My body was as still as rock after I had staring at the head for I don't know how long. I froze after i took one step. I stared back to Pin who was gawking at the various animal bones and jars around the villagers hut.

The thought had never occurred to crash that he may have some small issues with food. "The wumpa fruits all taste so tart, and all of the Cortex rations are so unpalatable.. he thought to himself yet he felt almost like his thought weren't his own. Reasons and thought were cast away as the voice of thought came to crashes head again, almost demanding that he eat it now, yet he was made of conviction to think of the consequences of his proposed lunch.

If i do this, Pin is gonna think i'm more crazy than he already thinks i am, and I have heard that someone in my army wants my job as the general. None of them can come close to outperform me in combat but what if they say i was incompetent to lead? but the amount of however the more i think about it the less i want to eat the head…

Dilemmas like these are why I hate working with pin, I've seen how he looks at tawna and I know he thinks i'm just a quiet workhorse sociopath for cortex. That doesn't mean he isn't terrified of me like the rest of the soldiers. but he just needs a crack to chip at so he can undermine and take my life, and this would be the perfect thing to chip at. "Crash ate a man's head like it was an apple! Do we really want that loon leading us? How long until he tries to eat one of us? Hey Tawna, Sorry bout your boyfriend going bonkers and getting put down, wanna go bang on top of his grave?"

Like thunder cracking in my head I hear a voice that sounds like mine but isn't scream "Hunger! Eat! Consume!" I have never been this hungry before ever. If i don't eat now i'll die. my hands grab the head, and i bite the face off in pure animal fashion while visora sprays around my mouth I don't remember the eyes coming going down or much of anything else, but before long i'm down to the skull bone at this point the remains of the spinal cord break in my jaws as I start cracking the front off the skull in half. The brains slipping Pin stopped looking around and saw me eating the head bone and all. The skull broke into pieces under my strength fairly easily. Pin just stood there, in what I can only assume was a combination fear paralysis and confusion.

I finish faster than i expected, I look at him. The fear on his face is just a prominent as the shock and disgust. I look him in the eyes and I go "shhhhhhhh" and start to walk to the rest of the Cortex comando party.


End file.
